Book Review - Love and Respect

This book offers an excellent perspective on Christian marriage. Clearly speaking to Christians, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs shares insight on Ephesians 5:33 which is the basis for the book.

The first section seemed to move very slowly as Dr. Eggerichs restated over and over that in a fundamental way men and women speak different "languages" - he desires respect and she desires love. Perhaps this section could have been condensed, but it didn't seem to grab my attention like the rest of the book did. I also felt that some of the letter excerpts from couples who had been to his conferences could have been removed and others letters elaborated on. I would have enjoyed more background information from some of the letter writers to know exactly how the information from the book changed their marriages in concrete ways - not just that it did.

The aspect of this book that I struggled with most is that Eggerichs never connects respecting you husband with loving him. Maybe as a woman it still all comes back to love for me, but I believe that when I choose to be respectful to my husband I am really loving him. I enjoyed the second section ("The Energizing Cycle") with its practical suggestions on how men can be more loving and women can be more respectful. Again, though, the suggestions for women on being respectful seemed to me to be ways I can show my husband love by respecting him. Each chapter concludes with a short bulleted list of practical ways to put the chapter's topic into practice. These lists are excellent starting points and made me want to sit down and write my own list of ways I can implement the ideas Eggerichs outlines.

This book continued to get better the further I read. The last section ("The Rewarded Cycle") is aimed directly at Christians and is strongly Bible-based (like the rest of the book). In the back of my mind as I read this book I was wondering, "What about couples who are in extreme situations - perhaps where one spouse doesn't want to change his/her sinful behavior?" This section addresses that concern. To quote from the book, "My response to my spouse is my responsibility". Ultimately when I choose to love or respect my spouse I am loving or reverencing Christ. This section has so much excellent, Bible-based material that it is worth buying the book just for this information - but you should really read the entire book for the full perspective on Love and Respect in your marriage.

This book is excellent for couples at any point in their relationship, from newlyweds to those who feel their marriage is coming to an end to those who want to make their "good" marriage even better. Although the concept flies in the face of popular culture, God truly made men and women differently with unique needs. We complement each other but we don't always know how to speak each others language. This book helps decode our differences and offers ways to strengthen the marriage bond.